is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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