if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
