Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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