I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
