everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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