She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Randomize
