dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
