Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
