im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
