I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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