If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
