jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
