don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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