Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
