I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
