I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
