Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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