I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
whose ass print is on the piano?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
