its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
There's always time for handjobs
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
