True but thats because hes a fetus.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
