I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
