I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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