Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
