I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
