that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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