Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
