I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Boobs speak an international language.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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