I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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