It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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