Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
