Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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