im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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