Your tits are I can't wait for
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
