she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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