dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
