what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
