So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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