i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
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