He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
