I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
