okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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