Please, let me fuck your mom
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
