You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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