Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
