i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
