Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
