i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
