And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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