can we get nightvision for the apartment?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
