i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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