I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
