I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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