So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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