I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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