This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
