So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
